Stories.
Hello.
Welcome to Holding Up Half The Sky. This record was made with a lot of love, thought and care over a long time. It feels so good that it’s finally in your hands. I hope you love it.
If you’re here I’m assuming you’re interested in knowing a bit more about the record so I’ve pre-empted a few questions.
Why this title Xan?
There was a famous quote from Communist Party leader Mao Zedong during the cultural revolution claiming that “women hold up half the sky”. In an attempt to get more women on board with the communist agenda Mao used this quote in propaganda that portrayed women as equal to men.
So are you a Maoist?
No, I am not. This is a bit of reappropriation on my part but I’m not the first. This quote has been used in various feminist works. I’m certainly not pushing any political agendas here but I am fully behind the idea that women can rewrite the narrative to effect positive change.
Do you hate men then?
No, I love men. Some of my favourite humans are men. To quote a brilliant feminist anthem (“Done” by Frazey Ford), ‘my joy takes nothing from you’. This album is inspired by women’s stories but I hope it speaks to everyone.
You’ve made quite a few things over the years but this is your first solo record right? How did it come about?
Yes, it is. It’s odd to call it solo really because I’ve collaborated with so many people along the way. I think this would be a good time to mention my fairy godmothers Creative Scotland who have been amazing. Not only did they very generously fund the making of the record, they were very patient and gracious about all the delays that occurred (there were a few). This record
wouldn’t exist without Creative Scotland.
Who else is involved?
You’ll notice on the credits that Boo Hewerdine produced the record. He did so much more. I am a chronic over-thinker and Boo really helped me get out of my own way. He filled me with confidence, gently pushed me out of my comfort zone and emboldened me to grab everything I wanted to make this project fly. This stuff comes so naturally to Boo that he maybe wasn’t even aware he was doing it half the time but I am eternally grateful. Boo also played acoustic guitar, piano and keyboards.
Adam Scott plays bass. Adam is supremely talented. He always strikes the balance between good solid reliable bass playing and the super fancy playing that most other players couldn’t get near but without ever sounding too flashy.
Only John Rooney could have come up with the solo’s he did. Some of my favourite bits of the record are Rooney bits.
I had no idea Louis Abbott played drums. I knew him as Admiral Fallow’s front man. Then I realised, this is the guy who did the insanely good drumming on Kris Drever’s records. Louis is incredible and brought so much more than just drumming to the sessions.
Jamie Savage made me cry twice with his mixing. That was a new experience. Listening to something with headphones on for the first time and feeling all the ideas we had just burst into colour was wonderful. He’s also one of the loveliest people I’ve worked with, ever.
John McCusker plays fiddle and harmonium on Blood Orange Blossom. I originally planned on something a bit Desire like (Bob Dylan) with the fiddle on this track but John took it somewhere else. I think it’s beautiful and fits the song perfectly.
Gustaf Ljunggren has collaborated with Boo for a while. What a talent. He played about 12 different instruments on the record.
Pete Harvey played the stunning cello part on Forever Things.
Emma Pollock – Miniature Oceans was intended as a duet and I was beyond delighted when Emma Pollock agreed to sing on it. The part Emma came up with lifts the chorus so wonderfully and in my opinion gives the song its magic. I love Emma’s voice.
Scroll to the end for who played which instruments on what songs.
Tell us more about the songs please Xan.
Miniature Oceans
Miniature Oceans is my ode to the wonder of female ageing and to the tides and cycles of life. It has been described by some as a feminist anthem. I wanted to celebrate friendship, sisterhood and solidarity with a song that makes you want to join in. Everyone is welcome.
Freaks
When you find your tribe, your people, your clan – those who truly see you and have got your back no matter what.
Joyce and Joanne
My dad told me some years ago about his aunt Joanne. Joanne ran a dance school with her best friend Joyce. They lived together, worked together and did everything together. Although there had been speculation about the nature of their friendship they were never celebrated as a couple, not even within their families. Those were different times. This story stayed with me and I daydreamed about them expressing their love for each other through their dance.
Blood Orange Blossom
Letizia Battaglia was a Sicilian photojournalist whose beautiful yet shocking photographs were instrumental in exposing and condemning members of the Mafia. She became celebrated for her fearless drive to show the world that mafioso didn’t just kill their own, as they would have you believe, but brutally murdered many women, children and elderly. I love that Battaglia didn’t discover her talent for photography until her 40’s when she escaped her unhappy marriage to a controlling man. Taking on the mafia endangered her life but she was determined and brave. She died at 87 with pink hair, her younger man at her side and always had a cigarette in her hand. She was a total baddass.
Rebecca’s Desk
Author Rebecca Solnit was gifted a beautiful writing desk from a friend as a thank you. Rebecca had been a great support when that friend was recovering from a brutal domestic violence attack that had left her for dead. This friend had almost been silenced at the hand of a violent male partner but the desk became a voice for so many women via Solnit’s writing.
Forever Things
People often speculate as to where Nick Drake’s timeless and unique sound came from but I think when you listen to the recordings of his mother, Molly Drake you can hear how she was a big influence. Nick’s story is so sad and it’s impossible to fathom how a mother gets through the tragedy of losing a child but I imagine them talking to each other. They both found fame posthumously and it’s thought that Nick never heard Molly’s ‘Poor Mum’, which was her response to his ‘Poor Boy’. I find Molly Drake’s recording fascinating and beautiful.
Ziggy
A reminder to celebrate and love yourself, via a note to my teenage self.
February
February is a hard month. It feels like winter should be over but it can be the coldest month. It’s still dark. But it is the shortest month and it’s on the cusp of so much wonderful change. This felt like a fitting metaphor for the album.
You’re My Muse
From Candy Darling to Lizzie Siddal, the muse has always fascinated me. The relationship between the artist and their living inspiration can be intense, passionate and all consuming. They are dependent on each other, there is a symbiosis – until it’s over and only the art remains.
The Devil’s Hand
This song is dedicated to the thousands of women murdered in the state sponsored femicide otherwise known as the witch trials. I read a lot about witches when I was making the record and was particularly stuck by the story of Lilias Adie. Also known as The Torryburn Witch, Lilias is the only person murdered during the trials known to have a grave. My pilgrimage to find the grave really brought home to me the horror of what someone like Lilias would’ve experienced.
You Said it Was Love
When you realise someone is trying to manipulate you by showering you with over-the-top displays of attention and affection – you have been love-bombed.
Four Little Words
It’s. Not. Your. Fault.